the secret sauce? men only have two levers to find a relationship: proximity and power. all other levers we talk about - height, being white, or whatever is the current discourse about men’s dating plight - are only secondary. power is explained in many ways in the context of relationships. it can be status, wealth, athleticism, competence, social approval, fame, or authority. as a man you either have to have power or show enough confidence to exude power. there’s a lot to unpack here, probably worth writing a book but i resist the urge to open the can of worms. dating apps were supposed to solve for proximity but they exacerbate the darker sides of both human nature (eg. hypergamy) and social progress (eg. liberation). i’ve written about this here.
have children: our lives are astonishingly insignificant considering how important we feel about ourselves. we live in a thought-bubble built around a solipsistic self. otherwise we’re nothing but a momentary illusion on a “mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam” to quote carl sagan. so when you have the chance, create your progeny. after all that is your genetic purpose as a man. the easiest chance to build a family might be that sweet cutie you met at college because college has the biggest shoal of fish you’ll ever find around you. don’t miss that catch! sure, it will be boring later on and potentially end in divorce but all of life is only as happy and as nihilistic as it ever is. there’s nothing more! unless you have an overarching purpose - like eschatological bliss or building inter-planatery civilization - you’ll regret having to die without a trace if you don’t have children.
how to avoid a breakup, lesson 1. feminine nature is an emotional storm. the inconsistency and capricious behavior you feel about her is only a fraction of what she feels inside. arguing with women is definitely a sport. but once a man participates in it he will be disqualified. he ceases to become the rock she can lean on. think of it as evolution’s way of making women test a man’s strength. evolutionarily she has a lot to risk by giving you a chance (although things have changed in the last 100 years). this is where rational, logical, and analytical men fail. add a bit of emotion and sensitivity into it from your effeminate anima, and your relationship breaks into a wildfire! set boundaries. leave if they are consistently broken. but don’t stay and try to refute her. i learned this over a painfully long time from a mentally ill female player i had strong chemistry with. the relationship wasn’t meant for me but i still respect her for what she taught me.
how to avoid a breakup, lesson 2: be desirable. this could mean anything from hygiene to maintaining your dad bod to being powerful enough to attract other females. it sounds wild but women find men who are taken highly attractive. you don’t have to cheat. in fact don’t cheat. but be desirable.
that one terrible experience: if you didn’t have a healthy upbringing it’s likely that you will not say No to a narcissistic predator that shows up in your life and preys on you. it leads to a vicious relationship cycle of inodomitable attraction + emotional ambiguity + inconsistency + gives you just enough (or high enough) encouragement to keep pursuing. we call anyone that hurts us a narcissist but i mean really dangerous (or clinically diagnosed) people here. note that most research and literature has been focused on male perpetrators due to reported cases of victims being mostly women (women talk more.. to therapists, mothers, sisters, friends,..). but it has been recently shown that female narcissists exist in equal numbers but are under-reported. they can be emotionally fatal due to being manipulative as opposed to being aggressive.
or just be hot!